I'm just beginning to question it all. To try to see sense where there is none, I opened my eyes again and now I am here, what ever here is. Physically, I feel lighter now. My thoughts make me sink. Under the water, I lay on the bottom for years, but rot doesn't touch my skin. I do not move. My eyes stay open and I see all I have done, all I have felt re-breaths inside me, bitter and stale. This goes on until i have picked apart ever second of my life countless times, breaking the seconds down into piecea so small that they stop being anything whole. A memory of playing as a child, broken into unrelated segments. colour, sound, shapes, warmth, touch, I took apart every detail and hid them out of order, in the wrong places in my mind. I broke it all down to take away all of the pain. It was after this that I noticed that I seem to have lost my name, it's all out of order. Just letter with no form or meaning... "H". H is for... it's for... and I don't know why it's important to remember. I sit up, pushing layers of mud and silt from myself and begin to rise.
Before I was here, I think I was standing below him, Darren. One of the memories I could not fracture. He looked so disappointed in me. I have betrayed a true friend. One who had defended me. And they all never suspected that I would do that, make an alliance with the enemy. It was for the greater good. Countless would have died either side. The vampranese knew that it was the best way. We made a mistake with Gavner. It all was pushed too far too fast. Why is this all coming back to me, little bits over endless days? He is so young to have done this to me."AR" It is out of order, what I did to them was wrong. I know that now, other wise I wouldn't be here. This can't be a place good people go.
They move around me, we collide, they are cold and lifeless, we touch, their yellowing eyes flash with fury for a moment before continuing onwards, as do I. Is that what I look like now? They are thin, skeleton showing under weakened flesh. We are all just churning, swimming together in circles, never going anywhere but restless to stay still like the others thst lay below. The fluid we live in is thick and lilac in hue. I'm not sure if you can call this living. "KAT". I spell it with a K. Some times I'm blind again, memories are no trouble to me now as I have few left. Even the ones that remain are ditching, like they were a story told to me long ago about someone I can't remember being. Once I had many, they pained me, perhaps that is why I sank, under the weight of my life, only to serface when I could let it go. Sometimes I would see the mountain and recall my first journey there, then all the time I stayed within and all of the plotting I did. I am regret... I noticed my hands today. They are much fairer than before. And the fingers are unmarked."M" is another of the letters, I can remember the pen making this bird-like shape, my hands did that mark on the page. They were all in my name. My hands with the knife, marking a mark in Gavner. Then, repeatedly, the stakes. They came through my hands too, they punctured everywhere. So why am I together again? My nails are long and translucent now. My veins are indigo abd broad, pushing up my drawn skin. "U"... you did this to yourself you know...
It never seems to be night here. always a half darkness. Indiscriminate time. "L"ife. Life is time going forward, the growth and decay. This place is past decay. Like we are pickled, stored in a purple lake for an unknown purpose. How long has it been? Sometimes, for days, I swim and do not think at all. I have no way of telling for how long I do this. But when I come back around I notice changes in the others, some become slimy or scaled, others are so thin now that they are little more that bloated skins. The sky is dark. Dark sky."DS" Close... but not right. I still cannot tell if it is day or night, but the sky is black I look up to the water surface and the black floats on top like a lid, from time to time it ripples, but mostly it is still. Some times I see an old man looking down from the other side of the black and i see that he is smiling. But it is not a happy smile. He tells me things inside of my head. He says that I will come fishing here one day, along with he who put me down here. They will pull me out and give me back my name, etched on the teeth of the traitor lord. And I will risk it all for the two of them to live, perhaps returning me into the lake. He speaks like destiny.
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| © Kate Ruston - A doodle I did when originally reading the books in 2006,when I was 14. |
Thank you for reading. The above work is based on the 10th book of The Saga of Darren Shan by author Darren Shan, my favorite series when I was a teen. I would highly recommend this series for any Vampire fan but advise that it is written for young adults.
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© Kate Ruston and Happy Little Narwhal 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kate Ruston or Happy Little Narwhal with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
© Kate Ruston and Happy Little Narwhal 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kate Ruston or Happy Little Narwhal with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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